no sleep plus obsessive repetitions of song equals
"Oh it's two in the morning, I should sleep!"
"..."
"... HELLO SIX IN THE MORNING I FORGOT YOU EXISTED."

So tiiiired fff. Maybe this has something to do with the essay I dreamed I wrote up on here (I only have COOL KID dreams). Maybe if I write it I will be able to SLEEP. tot liek sleep z_z

Now, when I say I grew up under a rock, I mean it. When the only computer you have ever seen in your life is the magical talking kind on the television, it's astounding to think as a child that you would ever damn near live on one! I was almost nine years old when I saw a computer for the first time. I didn't understand why it was big and clunky (not sleek, like on Captain Planet) and the keyboard completely disgusted me with its layout. THE LETTERS ARE IN THE WRONG PLACE.

Most people my age grew up with Barney! I grew up with Mr. Dress-Up and reruns of The Flintstones. Why? Because we got three channels, and PBS was not one of them; I was nine years old when I learned about Sesame Street and Barney. These simply did not exist for me until that time.

Under a rock. Under another rock.

"Michael Jackson" was a name I heard my mother use sometimes. Usually it was in regards to the moonwalk, because that was something you were proud to know that someone else could do. Just like Mike! It was the mid-nineties before I knew what MTV was, before I really understood who this man. That he was a singer, that his family was made up of singers, that he was a black man who ... I've never really understood what happened, just sort of accepted that it did, and never gone back.

I had no real reason to know who he was, other than that his name came up on TV sometimes. People would mention his life in the music industry, and I would change the channel. News reports bored me and most still do; there is only so much I can take of reports and citations before I just have to drop it. I am a boring person.

But.

Sometimes, I would hear his songs played. I was ten when I heard "Black and White" used at a dance concert. I fell half in love with it. Like any good kid of the eighties, I could recognize the "Thriller" intro. The first time I saw the music video I latched onto it, but only because it was Vincent Price doing that terrific voiceover.

I remember listening to my mother and aunt talk about him, how they would watch and listen to him growing up. They were big fans back in the day, they both said. Back when he was "normal", Ma would add. I never got that part! I could tell something was off with him but the man had a monkey and I did not. :( Even last week, my aunt---some of you will remember that she is sick, dying rather, and on oxygen 24/7---my aunt went on a complete fangirl rant. She told me everything she loved about him while I sat and nodded, not particularly disinterested, and I remember that she mentioned his "comeback tour." She hoped it would be picked up by HBO so she could see just one of his shows on TV. I smiled, I added a little to the conversation, and that was it. The end.

That was just ... how it was. How it's always pretty much been for me. I had some of his songs on the computer when we finally got one, downloaded a few, and I could sing along with his biggest hits. I didn't pore over every word and note. This is just my lot in life! Being behind on the times.

One year, for Halloween, I went as Michael Jackson. I grabbed a red jacket, pulled my (FRIZZY) hair into a quick ponytail, black pants, big white socks, nice black shoes. Face mask. I decorated an opera glove with stick-on rhinestones. I went to a dance and had fun. I always remember that night; A Halloween dance, and I requested "Thriller" several times. The DJ never once played it or any other music that could even at all resemble the holiday.

I remember buying my first Michael Jackson album, too. I was sixteen, and at a yard sale. There was a box of old cassette tapes for a dollar each. I had just enough cash on me to buy two: Thriller, and the black album by Metallica. Tapes, so they were worthless almost. But I could play them in the car on my way to work and school, so I cherished them. My sister refused to listen to Michael in the car, so it wasn't long before that tape fell back into the junk drawer.

But, as I have mentioned, I love Thriller.

When my cousins were younger, I remember having them over before Halloween. The kids liked to dance and sing, and it was about an hour before their mother came that I remembered the tape deck. I grabbed it and put Thriller on. The kids and I danced to the song, we sang, and then we hit rewind and did it again. We must have listened to that one song eight times but it was worth it. Every year, we'd do the same thing.

I don't know what we'll do this year. My tape was destroyed just last week. I suppose that's my fault, for leaving it in my grandmother's car. I should have put it back in the case and carried it inside. But it wound up on the floor, somehow, and her friend killed it with his wet/dry vac then sucked it to pieces.

But I can take some comfort in knowing that the next time I go to their house, my youngest cousin Jesse (who just turned five ♥) will grab my hand with both of his and drag me to the computer. He'll demand that I show him "the werewolf song" and we'll sing and dance to it for an hour or more.

One song, yes. But it's one song that I've carried with me for more than ten years and I have shared it with the younger generation.

Long live the King.